This post was due sometime. Perhaps it's overdue. But I felt that right now, while I am in a pensive and thoughtful mood, was somehow the perfect time to do it.
I'm not a writer by choice. I do believe with all of my heart that God has chosen me for this. I don't think I ever had a say in the matter. It's how I was made.
Like any gift or interest that becomes more than just an interest, there are things I love and hate about it.
Writers have an incredible opportunity. They heal or destroy our society. Words are what change the people's mind. They can help or hurt. They can create or kill.
It's also a gigantic responsibility. Every word we say has tremendous potential for good or bad. Every word anyone says has this power.
Writing isn't a 9 to 5 job. (yeah, now I'm going to get comments about how I'm only a teenage girl and have no concept of what work really is. Just hold your horses.) You don't get breaks, you don't get to have the satisfaction of knowing that you've finished your work for today. It's spontaneous. It's unexpected. Although we do try to insert order when we can, writing isn't something you can always plan for.
Some writers have fairly normal sleeping hours. Others are nocturnal. Some writers can beat out a rough draft in two months, for others, it's two years. Some writers are successful, others are still waiting for their big break. Some are Hemingways, others are less consequential Stephanie Meyers. Some gather cult followings, some are only enjoyed by a few dedicated readers. Some are wordy and intellectual, some have less of the smarts and more of the imagination.
It doesn't matter. We're all writers.
Yes, I still count Stephanie Meyers as a writer. An extremely popular one, actually. Would she be as popular if she were using her talents to the fullest, if she were living up to her full potential as an author? In all honesty, I'd have to say no.
While I'm on the subject, I'd like to approach a topic I struggled with (and I guess still am struggling with) for a very long time.
Am I, or am I not, a writer?
And is there a difference between one who writes and a published author? What gives a million-dollars-in-royalties-earned author the right to say they're a writer, and is there a reason that an English major shouldn't?
As Yoda might have said, "One conclusion have I come to."
Do you write? You're a writer.
B-but why? Just because you write doesn't guarantee you success or money. It doesn't guarantee fame or notoriety.
It doesn't matter. That's not what makes a writer.
Writing changes you. No matter how much or how little you write, it changes you. Writers are different from others. We look at the world through different lenses. We see stories everywhere, just waiting to be written. We are cold-hearted and cruel, we are pitying and compassionate. We draw things out of certain situations that most wouldn't think applied in the slightest, but it makes perfect sense to us. We dream, not bigger than others, but differently. And whatever happens, we can't seem to stop writing.
That's where the 'I hate writing' part comes in. Believe it or not, but I don't always love writing that much. In fact, most of the time, I don't. It's hard. It requires motivation. It requires diligence.
But I still write, because I love to read. Because there are stories within me. Great stories, amazing stories. They're begging to get out and I'm begging to read them. But the only person who could ever tell them, is...... me. Your stories don't get better. Your stories are amazing. Your ability to translate them from mind to page gets better.
So I suppose I'm stuck with the job. It's a rather ruthless cycle. I have an idea, I write it, I hate it and attempt to revise it, then I leave it on a shelf for a few months. Then I go read it again. Sometimes I catch onto the vision it holds. Sometimes I remember exactly why I wrote it and exactly how I felt when I did.
But sometimes I can't. Sometimes I throw away the sad, sad rough draft, because I've forgotten the dream.
Those failures are what keep me writing. I'm not satisfied with dreaming at night to wake up in the morning and forget. Writing is my way of remembering. I guess that's why I write when I'm particularly emotional in any way. Mad, sad, happy, I want to remember it all. I want others to read it and remember with me.
I could list any number of reasons for why I write. Truth be told, my reasons have changed more times than I can count. But it doesn't really matter to me why I am who I am.
I'm a writer, I know that now.
It's enough.
~Margaret
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