To Whom Shall We Go?

     “Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?”

But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

-John 6:68

     Last week I heard a preacher speak on this verse. He talked about the context of this verse, how the disciples were simple men who had left behind their livelihoods to follow one compelling Man, how this verse speaks to their devotion to Jesus and their utter rejection of comfort and safety as they stepped out boldly into the future with Christ. I saw heads nodding. People took notes. And I wondered, am I the only one who doesn’t see it that way?

     It wasn’t because I didn’t understand it. I get where this speaker was coming from, and I get that Peter’s declaration speaks to his incredible faith in Jesus, I just don’t think that’s what it means. Because when I read this verse, I hear first dejection, then helplessness.

~~~~~~

     Jesus has just been rejected. He has just verified his own identity as the Son of God, the One by whom salvation will come to the nations. And it says, right there in verse 60 of John 6, that many of His disciples go away, confused. “This is a hard saying,” they say, “who can understand it?” I can help you, Jesus cries after them, I am understanding Himself. Come back, please come back, and I will help you to see. But they leave.

     He doesn’t even try to defend His words. “Does this offend you?” He says. He had known from the beginning that there were those who would remain with Him through both confusion and pain, and those who would leave. But I have to imagine the rejection didn’t hurt Him any less. Even now, even in this pivotal moment, He doesn’t make it easy. “If you accept Me you have to accept My words, every last, ludicrous one. My truth and I are not separate. You can’t get to the Father without me. It’s everything or nothing at all.” A gamble. Has there ever been a bigger one?

     Jesus turns to His friends, the men who would later become the Apostles, the ones who would spread the Gospel to the four corners of the earth, and sees that they too do not understand. He waits for a moment, gives them time to think. And then, slowly, he asks them a question. One on which, surely, the world hangs. 

     “Do you want to go away too?” Do you want to leave Me too? Do you doubt Me too? Are you afraid of this confusion too? Jesus had wept for the death of His brother Lazarus. He must have been prepared to weep for His disciples too. Dejection.

     Knowing what we do about the nature of Simon Peter, I don’t imagine it took him very long at all to respond. “Lord…where would we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

     Not, “Where would we go, we have left our careers behind.” Not, “Where would we go, we have ostracized ourselves and committed social suicide.” Not because of what they had left and would never get back. But because of what they had followed. “Where could we go? What else is there?” Helplessness. “There is nothing good except You. There is nothing lasting but You.” Frantically, “Who would tell us the truth if we left You? Who would show us what’s right? What alternative is there? To whom would we go that would love us like You do?” We know that you are the Christ, the son of God, in Whom we live and breathe and find our being.

     Grace.

     I imagine that Jesus was a little overcome by this statement, fearless in its simple faith, so aware of all that it was not saying. He rallies. Smiles at his friends. “Did I not choose you, the twelve?” I chose you. To believe Me. My twelve. “...and one of you is a devil.” Speechless. Helpless. There is no other way. I have made this plan Myself and there is no other way.

     He would not tell them who He spoke of. They looked around at one another and tried not to trust each other, but to no avail. They were too close, too bound up in this great Purpose that had swept them all away.

     Maybe Jesus was tempted to spoil it for them at this point. Maybe the words came to His lips and He had to force them back, That one! He is the one by whom My death will come. I chose him for it. Will you believe me then? When I am dead? Will you still love each other as you do now, so trusting? Will you not become divisive and full of fear? It is a mark of earthly parents that they are helpless in the face of their children’s pain. Imagine knowing you were about to cause it.

But not yet. There is joy and sorrow and a long long road between now and the end. And you believe Me. That is enough for now.


~Margaret